The word "organic" sort of gives me the creeps. I don't know, maybe I just like the taste of preservatives and pesticides? What I don't understand is why all of those organic things have to be sold in dirty old smelly stores with a marketing campaign that hasn't been updated since the 80's? Or maybe it's just been on the shelves that long?
Since Amy has come on board in my department, I've taken more than one trip to these so-called "health food" stores. I have found things that scared me, things that confused me, and yes, even things that made my tastebuds tingle.
Our most recent visit to a whole-foods store of sorts was the best ever. As we walked in, I had the pleasure of taking in that pungent organic aroma. I noticed a clearance table and decided to peruse. There are always strange titles on that stuff and I never really know exactly what it is, so I really have to study carefully! This particular item that intrigued me was called "Grobust". I just couldn't figure out what it was for! It didn't really put it out there in English, i.e., This is Grobust. It does such and such. Here are your directions for use. Enjoy. Instead of clearly stating what it was for, I had to stare it down for 5 minutes! Then suddenly, it all made sense. Breast enhancer. OF COURSE! It makes boobs grow bigger! Well duh! Look at the lovely lady on the front and the side all happy and proud and having a good life! The best part was, I was staring this down, not knowing what it was, certainly not needing it, while everyone gave me strange glances passing by. I'm sure they probably thought, "Guess it works!" HAHA.
I laughed out loud, of course, and looked around to see what else I could find. Whole seeds and grains, organic bananas, chopped up cows who had been fed a strict grass-only diet for your enjoyment... (?) The absolute best thing I found, BY FAR, however, was WHEAT MEAT. Yes, Wheat Meat, wheat-substitute non-meat meat product. LOL. Isn't that a clever name?? I had to pull it out of the fridge and get a better look. There were only two left. And of course, as I was standing there in awe of this new product, the refrigerator started making a strange noise and everybody looked at me again.
There was also, hahahha, lol, there was, LOL, I'm sorry...there was ... hahahaHAHA... Vegan Veggie Fajita Burritos LOLOL. And they were almost gone. YUUUCKK!!!! I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't knock it til I try it, so to say...but you have to admit it's pretty easy to "knock". Vegan Veggie Fajita Burrito?? Mm. Gimme gimme. I busted out in a full-bellied laugh out loud.
The last visit to a store of this variety, before this one, there was a children's book about eating only vegan foods and I think there was a talking fly? Maybe a flower or something? And there was a song at the end about being vegan? It was a truly bizarre experience for me. My favorite part was the extreme explanation of chemical reaction and intense nutritional information explained in-depth by the fly to little Billy. Joe. Bob. Whatever his name was? Sure to be a family classic for generations to come!
From now on, I plan to only visit the whole-organic-wheat meat-creepy stores under close supervision. The funniest part is, that since Amy is so clumsy everywhere we go, they think I'm the responsible one. MWAHAHA!
~Tanya
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